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Ethics In Love
  • In today's society we hear a lot about ethics. Many professions have their own "code of ethics" in which they follow. While other, or even the same, professions are labeled as just plain unethical. In all of these professions there is a confusion as to what really is ethical and unethical behavior. In fact, every single one of us is faced with a multitude of ethical decisions every day, especially in our relationships. Just take a look at the message boards of this site. You will see an incredible disagreement as to what is right or wrong to do in a relationship.
  • A perfect example of this is when our advice columnist, Romantica, responded to an advice request about whether having cyber-sex with another person while in a relationship was considered cheating. When she asked for viewpoints from readers she received quite a few varying responses. Whatever your views on this are, the fact remains that there is a lot of uncertainty in society about simple definitions of right and wrong. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not going to preach to you in this article about my views on what is right and wrong. What I hope to achieve here is to give you a few tools and a little information to help you come to your own conclusions about whether something is right or wrong.
  • Why is this so important? Well, basically, the decisions you make now effect your entire future. Not only your future, but your partner's and your children's future also. The choices you make every single day, effect the future of everybody around you. Let's say you are at work and there is a beautiful (or handsome) co-worker flirting with you. You start having fantasies about them and thinking about them. This fantasy goes so far that you even think about them when you are in bed with your partner. Now technically you have not done anything wrong. You have not actually slept with this person and you have done nothing that can be proved in any court of law. Basically you can argue that there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy. You can even argue that it enhanced your relationship with your partner and made things more exciting. Well, let me ask you a couple of things. If it was so right, then why do you have to spend so much time telling yourself that it was right? Also, why don't you tell your partner about it? I am sure they would be thrilled to know that you have found something that makes both of your lives better! The fact of the matter is that if you would not like it if it was done to you, or if it would have a detrimental effect on your relationship if your partner found out about it, then it is wrong! It does not matter whether, in the case of cyber-affairs, it was real or not. If what you are doing fails those two questions, then it is wrong.
  • So, what is the big deal about all this? Basically, when you do something wrong, it is human nature to justify what you did. If you have an affair, it all of a sudden becomes your partner's fault. You find excuses for what you are doing. It doesn't even really matter what the excuses are. I am sure you can come up with a whole host of excuses for someone having an affair right off the top of your head. The fact is that you can make excuses for something to the point that you actually believe them. It is these justifications that will end up destroying your relationship.
  • In conclusion I will leave you with these thoughts. What is right and wrong is a personal choice. What is right for you may be wrong for your partner. Whenever you make a decision that will affect your relationship, ask yourself these two questions:
    1. Do you have to convince yourself it is right?
    2. Would your partner be upset if they found about it?
  • If it fails that test, don't do it. You will be a lot happier in the long run.
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